When God Says No

Today, we come to a most important question regarding prayer. If you’re new with us, we are in the midst of a series of sermons about prayer. In the first week we asked, “Why Should We Pray?” In the second week we asked, “How Should We Pray?” and we learned from the Lord’s Prayer. In the third week we asked, “What Should We Pray?” How do we ask God for things and how do we petition God for answers to our prayers.

Today, we come to the difficult and troubling subject of when our prayers seem to go unanswered or when God’s answer to us is “No.” And what I find comforting, regarding this subject, is that we have a God who understands this.

In our scripture lesson for today, we see that even Jesus experienced unanswered prayer. Just before he was arrested, Jesus and his disciples went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. The scriptures say that his soul was “anguished”. Many of us think that Jesus approached the Cross and his crucifixion stoically, but Jesus was a human being … he was God in human flesh. Jesus struggled with this. Jesus was in anguish. He was in anguish about leaving his disciples. He was in anguish about his mission and would it go forward? He was in anguish about the agony of being crucified. And so, he cast himself on the ground and he prayed.

Now, throughout the Gospels we see how God answered every prayer that Jesus

prayed. When he prayed for the blind man, he was healed. When he prayed for the demons to come out, they came out. When he prayed for the sinners to be made whole, they were made whole. But on this occasion, Jesus prayed and God said, “No.” “O Father, all things are possible to you. Please … please take this cup from me.”

There are many times I have prayed for people. And most of those prayers are answered. And it’s exciting when you pray for people and see your prayers answered. It may not happen instantly, as we’d like it to happen. But over time, we watch and we see that most of the time God hears our prayers and God answers our prayers. Sometimes it happens instantaneously and miraculously, sometimes it takes time. But God answers most of our prayers. And yet, there are times when God says, “No.” And when this happens, it’s confusing and sometimes it’s faith-shaking.

Some years back, I prayed for a young woman in my church who was dying of cancer. And so, I prayed and I prayed, “God, please heal her.” I petitioned God daily. I wept when I prayed, but God didn’t heal her. “Why?” Well, today, we’re going to try to deal with this question. As you see in your notes, we’re going to talk about “Seven times when God says, “No” to our prayers. And I want you to take note of these in your sermon notes as we go along, because, while not all of these may relate to you … somewhere in here we find the answers to our questions about unanswered prayer.

The first reason why God says “No” to us is when there is sin in our lives. Now, I’m not saying that every time God has said “No” to your prayers, it is because there was sin in your life. But often, when there is sin in our lives, those are times when God says, “No.”

In Isaiah 1:15, God says through the prophet, “Though my people lay out their hands before me in prayer, though they plead with me for their many prayers, I will not listen, nor will I answer them, because of their sin.”

I have counseled with people who have said, “I’m not so sure that I can believe in God, because God doesn’t answer my prayers when I pray.” And when we begin to look at their lives, we begin to see that their lives are a mess. They’ve erected wall, after wall of sin in their lives that has separated them from God. And yet, they’re expecting God to come through for them.

There are times when God says, “I cannot answer your prayer, until you stop and confess … until you become clean and right.” On one occasion, Jesus said, “If you have failed to forgive your neighbor who has sinned against you, how can you ask God to answer your prayer to forgive your sins?” There are times when God closes his ears and will not listen to us, because of our sin. So, when we know that we are in a state of sin, it’s just not a smart thing to go to God and ask God to do something for us, because we and God both know that this thing still exists.

Bill Hybels tells a humorous story about this. Before he left for vacation, his friend had paid the neighbor’s boy to mow his yard. But after returning, it was obvious that the kid had forgotten. So, he went into his garage and he pulled out his trusty Wal-Mart lawn mower, he primed the pump and tried to start it, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the thing started.

Suddenly, he remembered that his other neighbor had always said, “If you ever need to borrow anything, hey, my stuff is your stuff … so come on over.” And he had a John Deere riding lawn mower. So, he started to make his way next door, but suddenly this neighbor’s dog comes out. And he hated this dog. It was always barking and yipping at him. And it came up and started trying to bite him on his ankles. So, he turned around and he gave the dog a swift kick. And at that very moment, he looked up to see his neighbor who owned the dog and the John Deere standing right there. Now, it’s not the best time to ask to borrow a man’s riding lawn mower, when you’ve just kicked his dog.

But you know, that’s how we sometimes approach God. When we’ve done something that God knows is wrong and we know is wrong and yet we want God to come through for us. So, when there’s sin in your life, God often says “No.”

Secondly, when you pray for God to overrule another person’s free-will God says, “No.” When he was little, one of my son’s favorite Disney movies was the Aladdin movie. And you remember that when Aladdin rubbed the lamp, out came the Genie. And Aladdin’s wish was that the Princess Jasmine would fall in love with him. But do you remember what the Genie said? He said, “That’s the one wish that I don’t answer. I don’t raise people from the dead and I don’t make people fall in love with each other.”

Well, in a similar way, that how God works. Can you imagine, if you could pray that someone’s will would be changed by God, what kind of world we would live in? What would happen, if that boy you really didn’t like back in Junior High had prayed fervently for God to make you fall in love with him?

I saw this in a movie recently. This dentist was madly in love with one of his patients and every time she would come in he would hypnotize her in order to make her fall in love with him. Can you imagine what this world would be like if that’s how things really worked?

But God doesn’t work that way. You can pray all you want to, “God please, make my spouse come back to live with me again.” “God please, make this person like me.” But God doesn’t change someone’s will, unless they are willing to allow God to do so.

God doesn’t override our free-will, even though your prayer may be right! You may be praying a good thing. “God, please change the heart of this person, so that they’re not so evil any more.” God will whisper in their ear. God will try to reach them. Sometimes, God will send the right person in their path. But God will not override our hearts unless we are willing to let Him. That’s one of the things God has said is sacred … our free-will. Thank God for that! But remember it when you pray.

Thirdly, God will not answer our prayers when we ask God to do something that we can do for ourselves. God does not do for us those things we can do for ourselves … at least not normally. Many of us pray for God to do things that we could do on our own, such as: “O God, please give me an ‘A’ on this test.” You know what God says to that? He says, “I gave you a brain … is there something wrong with your brain? Was it Me who decided not to study? This is something you have to work for!”

This happens around my house all the time. We will be sitting around the table or in the den and one of my children will say, “Daddy, you’re the best daddy in the world.” And I’ll say, “Yeah right, now what do you want?” --“Daddy, would you please go get me a drink out of the refrigerator?” And I’ll say, “Oh, I didn’t realize that your leg was broken. When did that happen?” And of course, their answer is, “My legs are fine.” Sometimes, because I love them, I will go get them the drink. But most of the time, they’ve got to get up and get it themselves.

And I believe that this is what God says to us. God says, “I made you, so that you could do these things. I have given you all of the resources and the abilities that you need. I will am here to encourage and sustain you. So you do them.” We were created to cooperate with God. God doesn’t just come into our lives and take care of the things that we can do on our own. Often, when we pray God says, “I’m not going to do this for you, I’m waiting for you to get started.”

Number four: When you ask for something from impure motives God will often say “No.” In James 4:3 it says, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask from impure motives, so that you might spend what you receive on your impure desires.”

You know, if we’re honest with ourselves, we can see this. If we were to think about why we are asking for things, such as, “O God, please help me to get this promotion.” Now God loves to see us blessed. God is thrilled when good things happen in our lives. But what is really important about this promotion? And why should God be invested in that with you?

God’s not saying that you shouldn’t have it, but why are you praying for it? “Well, it will give me a little more status … more wealth … it will make me feel really good about myself … it will give me some power.” Now, those things may not be bad. We could use those things for good. But those things may not necessarily be God’s agenda.

Many times when we pray for things, we pray from motives that are not in keeping with God’s Kingdom values. And God says, “You know, that may be your important agenda, but it’s not mine.” God often says “No” when we pray from impure motives.

God also says “No” when we ask for something contrary to God’s will and plan. In fact, almost always God says “No” at these times. Now, I recognize that Jesus gives us sweeping promises about prayer. Jesus often preached like that … with hyperbolic terms. He often exaggerated things, so that we would get the point.

When he taught about prayer, he recognized that his disciples were sheepish about prayer and rarely asked for anything. So, when he taught them to pray, he says, “Be bold when you pray. Recognize the power of God when you pray!” So, “When two or three of you agree about anything, it will be granted unto you. When you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and cast into the sea,’ understand that it can happen.” He was telling them to be bold, because they were sheepish.

The problem is, that we take those passages of Scripture and we want to apply them to every part of our lives. But, Jesus’ teachings were not meant to work that way. Remember how Jesus said, “When your hand causes you to sin, cut it off?” That’s how Jesus preached … he preached with hyperbole, so that everybody got the point. But he wasn’t intending that you cut off your hand every time you do something wrong. And he didn’t mean that every single time you ask for something that you’re going to get exactly what you want … because God is not “the sugar-daddy in the sky” just waiting for us to request something of Him. That’s not what he was teaching.

Pray with boldness … yes. But understand that when something goes against God’s plan and will, God says, “You know, I’m in charge and you’re not. This is not in accordance with my will and plan. So, ‘No’.”

But, you know what’s amazing about God, is that when we trust God with our lives … when we say, “Not my will, but your will be done,” we can recognize that God wants the very best for us.

There was a woman who once sent me a note saying that she had been praying for a husband, but her prayer had not been answered. And when she started dating this particular man, she thought that he was her answer. So, she started praying and praying that he’d be the one. And yet, things didn’t work out and she didn’t get married to that man. Later she said, “Several years later I met a man, who was truly everything that I had ever hoped for and I married him.” And she said, “What I came to see is that there are times where God knows what is best for us and God says, ‘Hold on, I’ve got something better in mind for you.’”

Can you trust God with your life? Can you trust that God’s will and plan is even better than yours? When God’s answer is “No” … remember that.

Now there are times when God’s “No” brings about a greater “Yes.” This is exactly what happened with the Apostle Paul. In our Scripture lessons that we read earlier, you heard from Jesus and the Apostle Paul … two of the greatest men of faith that we have in history. And in both of these passages we see that their prayers went unanswered. Yet, in both of their cases, God’s “No” was actually a greater “Yes.”

In Paul’s case, we don’t know what his “thorn in the flesh” was. But he says, “I have this thorn in the flesh and I have pled with God, to please take this away from me.” Some people think it was poor eyesight. Some people think it was some type of physical malady. Some people think it was a temptation that kept luring him. Some think it was a person who was a thorn in his side. We don’t know what it was. All we know is that he begged God to take it away and God refused the prayer of the Apostle Paul. Why?

Because God says, at those moments when you are weak, I am made strong. At those times when you struggle with this, you come to me, and otherwise you might never come to me. At those moments, you trust in me like you never do any other time. And here’s the thing. God says, “I will carry you through those times, but I am not going to take it away, because, even though you think it is a bad thing, it is actually a good thing in your life.” This “No” is bringing about a greater “Yes” in your life.

And isn’t this what often happens in our lives. There are times when God’s “No” is a greater “Yes” … where your suffering produces a deeper faith. Have you ever noticed, that those times in your life when your soul grows the most, is usually during times of greatest difficulty and adversity?

I mean, have you ever meet somebody whose life has been charmed. I mean, it’s been perfect. They’ve never faced adversity. Their mom and dad always did what they wanted. They got straight A’s. They went to college on a scholarship. They made lots of money. They lived happily ever after. When you find those people … you will discover that their souls are “skin deep”. Because the place where our souls are deepened and where we become persons who trust in God, is in the midst of the valleys and adversities of life. So, God says, “You need to understand that the valleys are important. Because in the midst of them, you are trusting in me and your soul is deepening.”

And then finally, notice the prayer that Jesus prayed. Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and he knows what’s about to happen. He’s anguishing over this, so he casts himself down on the ground and he cries out to God, because he knows that it is possible for God to take this cup from him. Nothing is impossible for God. God could find some other way of accomplishing this task. “So please God, let this cup pass from me.”

Like any of us would, Jesus longed for there to be another way. But there was no other way. And the reason was, because sometimes suffering is redemptive. Sometimes God uses our suffering to accomplish his greater purposes in our lives.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, it was sinful people who nailed Jesus to the Cross, not God. It was the Pharisees and Sadducees and the Roman Soldiers. But there are times when God uses the evil that others do to us. There are moments when God uses the suffering in this world to change this world.

That woman that I prayed for, who was dying of cancer, I begged God and prayed for God to heal her. But do you know what she said to me before she died? She said, “I’m just hoping that God can use my suffering to touch somebody else. I hope that when people look at me, they can see Jesus in me. I hope that in some way, somebody’s faith in Christ is strengthened, because of how I face this.” You know, the world is often changed in the midst of suffering. And there are moments when God says “No”, because he can see what the future holds and we don’t.

I want you to understand something clearly. We live in a broken world. We live in a world where people get in a car and they drink and they drive. We live in a world where there are sick people out there, who rape and kill. We live in a world where dictators are allowed to take power and kill minority groups in their country. We live in a world in which our bodies sometimes decay because of cancer. We live in a world in which we have created all kinds of toxic things that hurt us and we don’t even know what they are. We live in this broken world and that’s the reality of LIFE. And we won’t escape this, until that day when there is “No more crying and no more suffering” in the eternal Kingdom of God. But for now, this is the world we live in.

And the great thing is, is that most of the time, our lives are pretty awesome. Even though we have moments of pain, most of our lives are unbelievably great. We have tremendous experiences. We watch the sun rise and the sun set. We have fellowship and friends. We worship and experience God’s presence. We have unbelievable opportunities for joy. We have the opportunity for self-expression and to do things that align with our hearts’ desire. We have the whole world before us and pockets of pain in the midst of that. And that’s LIFE!

And we need to remember, that the Bible doesn’t promise us that God is going to deliver us from life. At least not here and now. The Bible doesn’t promise us that God is going to make life rosey for everyone. If you think that, you haven’t read the Bible.

I mean, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt for 400 years. Moses was nearly killed for trying to deliver them. The prophets were put to death. The righteous people were often stoned.

In the Gospels, Jesus promises that there is going to be heartache in our lives. But you know what else he promises us? Not that he’s going to deliver us from all that, but instead, he promises to be with us no matter what happens. Notice how God answers Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane. God didn’t say, “Okay, I’ll take this cup away.” Luke says that God sent an angel to strengthen him. And this is how God often answers our prayers in the midst of life.

Steve Taylor, an old Christian rock-n-roller, wrote a song once that I think captures a fresh perspective on unanswered prayer. In this song, Steve Taylor says,

“You don’t owe me anything God. You created the world. You created human beings on this planet. You gave me life. You allow me to wake up in the morning and see the sun rise. You gave us the Bible to teach us how we should live. You gave us your Son, Jesus Christ to show us the way and to die for our sins and to be raised up, to promise us eternal life. You gave us hope in the face of despair. You gave us the Holy Spirit to be our comforter, our strength, and our guide. You don’t owe me anything else!”

But you know, even though he doesn’t owe us anything else, God loves to give us more … when we pray.

C. S. Lewis understood this about prayer, I think. You may remember that shortly after marrying his wife, Joy Davidmon, they found out that she was going to die of cancer. And when he found this out, C. S. Lewis began to pray. His colleagues at Oxford knew that he was praying and they assumed that he was praying for her to be healed. And no doubt he prayed that at times. But that wasn’t the only reason he prayed.

In the movie, Shadow Lands, when C.S. received the word that the cancer was going into remission, his colleagues came to him to congratulate him on this answered prayer. And C. S. Lewis says to them: “That’s not why I pray … not for her remission. I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time waking or sleeping. Prayer doesn’t change God. It changes me.” That is why we pray.

When we pray, we open the door for God to come to us and be at work within us. When we pray, we are cultivating a relationship with the Creator of this universe, who knows us better than we can understand … who loves us more than we can possibly believe. When we pray, we are praying to the One who will be our ultimate destiny after this life. When we pray, we’re praying to the One who can strengthen us … who will love us … who will surround us and care for us. We pray, not because God is going to make this world a rosey place for us and take away all of our pain. We pray that God will carry us through it and that God will work through us and that God’s Will will be done. And in the midst of our prayers, there are times when we see miraculous answers and there are moments where we wonder where God is. But in all of those times, God is present with us.

So, as your pastor, I want to challenge you to be a people of prayer. Because you cannot and you will not receive what Christianity offers us, unless you have conversation with God … unless you become God’s friend through prayer … unless you allow His Spirit to work in and through you through prayer. Prayer is fundamental to our faith and to our relationship with God.